Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
