And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
