you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
