every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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