i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
