booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
