Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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