took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
