I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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