Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need a beard to bite.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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