Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
