Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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