I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize