i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
