He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize