She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
