I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
