This is not my ceiling
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
