I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
