chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
