DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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