kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
