Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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