and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
