remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
try to milk me bitch
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