well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
