had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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