she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
