so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
