my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
