Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
