i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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