Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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