Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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