Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
