The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
