Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
