Swine flu. Run for my life!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
