I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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