Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
