Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
