That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
