UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
