Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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