You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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