I got chris browned last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
