hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
