Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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