i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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