Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
