I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
