sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
