You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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