I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
