I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
