So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
