At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
