not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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