how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
