He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
