we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize