paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
