Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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