Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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