You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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