Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
