I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You pole danced in your parka.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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