He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize