I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
