i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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