How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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