also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was born a porn star she said
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize