Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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