I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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